Here we are.

Where did 2010 go? - Finally I found the time.

2011-05-14T04:19:00.000-07:00

Well hello all,

I asked my self earlier in the night as I began to type the entry, should I apologise for not putting up anything for 2010?

I think its ok, as in no need to apologise & also it's pointless I guess we all have bad days, weeks, months & years, I will surely be forgiven.

Somethings happened in 2010, somethings didn't, I bet everyone could agree with that whether it is on a personal level or any level for that matter.

I remember so many times I sat/stood on the train ride home and thought "I will Blog tonight" I have much to say, I type it on the laptop, but never ever posted it.

I sat and read my blog tonight, who I was & what I was in 2009. I seemed kind of sad & fed up and on anti-depressents.
Well that is all over now, but still I haven't changed as much as I would have liked to, sure I am now happy, I am now no longer worried about what people know about me - come to think of it. I have changed completely.

I was reading a couple of other blogs tonight, and found read inspiration to put it down.

Some people just don't know what they are getting themselves into in this world, I feel as tho I have grown more older due to the thoughts that fly through me when I see people talking to that person flogging the products to them, I do remember well being the innocent guy being sold to & also the guy who was selling it.

I am glad that in my life I have taken the opportunity to stand in so many shoes and find out what that unique world truly holds, it gets addictive the need to change, what can one do? pretend to be content about what he has or always search for more?

How can you be content with what you have? - there is always more & there is always less. I am not talking about products only here, I would like to make note of growing, many people seek further knowledge to grow themselves, many seek faster cars, many seek money, many seek happiness - many actually think that it comes only from what i just stated above.

However I believe through my experience, Money, knowledge, fast cars will not make you happy. They can of course encourage you, they can make you feel strong and secure however happiness is an entirely different beast & cannot be found all that easily.

Happiness comes from the inside, it cant be found in this world. it must be discovered within yourself.

Wel thats my rant on happiness, maybe I should take some of my own advice.

Anyway - commitment to write more blogs. Promise.

Mike

Goodbye

2009-06-06T01:47:00.000-07:00

I'm scared of being away from you
it always filled me with fear
I don't know what I will do with myself now
without having you near

When your in my arms
you vanish all my fears
I'd give anything for this to be forever
for an eternity of endless years

I tell you I have loved you forever
from since the day we met
I look into your glassy eyes
I can see your getting upset

You tell me that you will miss me
As you force out the word "goodbye"
My fingers go cold as the contacts broken
Please Baby don't cry

I hold you for the last time
I hear the call for the train
Although your not here in person
Sweet memories will remain

I sit inside this train alone now
my hand begins to shake
I look out into your big brown eyes
my heart begins to break

When the rain starts falling down on me
I wonder where you are
Just remember girl if u ever need me
I never be to far

There's not long left to be with you
There's is not long left to the end
So I hope you like this poem I wrote you
Yours truly, My once beautiful girlfriend.

There are always more steps.

2009-06-02T03:42:00.000-07:00

Terrific weekend! I played the guy who stood in the middle of two fighters..One happened to be family and the other, who else but my dearly beloved.

I have been standing in better places before but you cannot control these things so whats the point of mopping on about them.

So I am still the bad guy for not choosing sides although each parties/boxers/family members have assumed I have

The fog never returned and the days and nights continue to lower in temperature recently, My thinking, procrastination and smoking chair has been wet lately.. I am a little bummed about that so I sat on it tonight soaking wet as my little protest against the rain who thinks he can stop me from doing what I want.

Recently picked up the new album Confetti by the lovely artist Little Birdy and her friends. Its been a challenge hitting the stop button at bed time or when work starts but hey who needs bed time? Unfortunately I need to work to buy things like this and continue singing mortgage blues, instead of the homeless blues.. God Bless the homeless..My heart goes out to anyone who has not got the place they call home.

I decided to shave my head on the weekend after the match. It wasn't at all connected to the incident it was just an urge to rid myself of hair, well most of it.

Why not add a photo to brighten up this blog I ask you? - Sorry guys, I just took it down.. less photos more work, new found daily ritual :)

Ah how sweet the coffee Starbucks

Take Care My Sweet Bloggers,

Mike

me olvide

2009-05-28T00:14:00.000-07:00

Hola,

Last night I sat alone on my balcony a look into many aspects of my personality and wondered how they were shaped, this train of thought came from a documentary I recently came across that questioned many things. The real question was, do children pick up aspects of the parents personality or is it hereditary?

After 5-10 minutes of the show, I grew envious of the host and how much time he has on his hands to ponder such useless thoughts that then develop in useless questions. I shouldn't say useless questions. To me useless questions are asked yet they could never be answered without fallacy.

Beyond that - Back to the balcony.

I was sitting there smoking away, and blowing my smoke into the air and watching it dissipate into the fog. Hmm My temper, well I don't really have one.. I want to get angry at people and blast them but just cant seem to do it. That comes from the Mum of the family, So does my facial features.

The only thing I seem to get from my Dad is the ability to hate some things.

Well that was the end of that but still I am not satisfied with my own answers.

The moon looks different now, when I was a child it looked so much more interesting and beautiful, now that I live in the city its looks a little grey. I have never seen darkness so dark since I lived in the country its all different in the big smoke.

The countryside was so dark the stars stood out like glitter all over a black paper plate.

What is night? - I used to think it to would run hand in hand with darkness. Darkness is not night anymore, night is just a time of day but the strange thing about this place is that it never sleeps.

Light is always present. Until tonight.
The fog was so thick I could barely see the tree in front of my balcony everything is just shadows and darkness. I Missed you, but happy your not hanging around forever although you are beautiful.

Is blindness and darkness the same thing? - you see darkness.. people would tell you its the absence of light. It could just be that you cant see anything, nothing but black. yet the opposite of black is white.. Darkness opposite is not white.. what color is light? - all of the above.. the real opposite of black in this case is colour.

I wonder what the fog/mist will remind me of tonight or will it make me contemplate my future plans.

Shal see when I see it wont we.

You are this - You are That - Am I just?

2009-05-21T17:13:00.001-07:00

Having wet feet from trotting along through the park on my way home has left my feet looking tragic..
This has to change one day this walking back and forth in the rain to and from work.

Other then that all seems fine with the health. I go in under the knife in the next couple of months and wont be able to walk for a week or two according to Mr doctor..

Yet still - all is fine.

Sometimes or should I say the majority of time I take life for granted its hard not to when you live in it everyday and you see all the smiles from people and even put one on yourself.. But the thing is, I know what I feel and a smile isn't the best way to represent that.. I wonder if everyone else feels the same way - I certainly hope not.

Yesterday I had a discussion with one of my managers and once again was advised that when I am good I am great, when I am not so good - I am terrible.

and then was asked, Have you ever heard of Bi-Polar?

I answered this with a yes I have heard of it.. But to self-diagnose myself is a mistake I will leave that to the professionals to do so.. I do feel up and down at times but - all is well and I will not take his diagnosis for he is clueless to what I am.

New pictures coming in the next blog of me pretending to be a model for portrait shot to go on through this assignment.

Today I was dreading what was waiting for me at work when I stepped on the train the morning and I saw the smallest baby looking around the train as it was all new to her..then I was warmed as the baby looked me square in the eyes and smiled so wide it shook the ice of my heart and ignited that old flame once again.. Babies are the closest thing you could ever get to an Angel in my opinion.

Although I wasnt the best role model for the little one.. I did teach her to poke her toungue out and pout..

When you think you have it all worked out.. Something jumps out of the darkeness/light and changes your thoughts perspective.

I appreciate change.

Thankyou for reading my fellow bloggers!

Happy Blogging.

Signing Out -

Mike

Just the Daily Happenings,

2009-05-13T16:35:00.000-07:00

Well Indoor Soccer....or Futsal as some of the players of the higher standard would call this intense, exiciting need extra deoderant because your gonna swear your ass off game.. was fun.

Well it all started . I played the goal man to start with in our warm up and blocked soccer balls being launched at me, I have to say I have never been a goaly it looks boring from a far.. But it is far from boring..I Must say it is quite the adrenilen rush having the soccer balls speeding at you and trying not to duck, but the opposite.. I think you can get my picture..Loved it every moment of it.

As the game started and we all began running around yelling at each other for the ball like we were pro's or something on these shiny floorboards that sqeek from our rubber soles..then we all felt at more ease.as.hip-hop music came over the top of us.. Thankyou Mr DJ at the reception counter.. we all showed gratitude with a thumbs up thrown your way.

Soon enough the Music stopped, I think his manager showed up red faced unhappy with his office bitches human side & un-professionalism.

We continued to make it more intense as more people arrived and the real game started.

Big Kicks & Big Misses - Floor board burn all over my knees & Shins from my miraculous saves as the goal man, not really the burn actually came from me falling over my own feet whilst kicking the ball and being in the air the same time.. I just need to work on my landings.. but still adrenilin mixed with a bit of pain made us all play harder and faster, well I cant speak for all of them but thats how I felt about it.

We finished up and all was well and agreed on a draw. 5 all.

Getting home was easy.

Today Life is Fun.

Till Then Reader -

Mike

At last, The work is done.

2009-05-07T22:37:00.000-07:00

Here I am, was so far behind on everything in life & work. Today I am no longer behind everything is up-to-date and I haven't been happier to say. Photos for a friend took place on the weekend and I was the star of the show!

I hope I don't ruin her assignment with my mugshots, well you can't really see my face anyway.

I found this one quite amusing as you can see my manly eyelashes in the shadow ha!

Hehe my Diamond Ring the oldest and most prised possession I have :)

And don't know what to say about this one, Well hope your photography assignment goes to plan :)

Ahh Bondi Beach below was really something that night. I knew it was so very cold, yet inside I felt warmed by the sound of Bondi Waves and wasn't cold at all.

Browsing through the worlds of our other bloggers here on blogpsot with the new "next" button There are some real minds being placed here and there on blogs. Thank you for inventing blogger good idea :)

I am very glad to find blogger.

Just to let my fingers flow on this keyboard and tell you what is on my mind reader.

Well on the last couple of weeks with the Job it has been a smooth transition to my team and role.
The boss has changed so has my cherished view, now I get the privilege to look at a car park whilst punching away at my keyboard I am not at all worried about it.
Other then that work has been completed although there will be more to come tomorrow at least i get to fresh start it all tomorrow which is fantastic.

Watching the Box last night and this new show called 11th hour, I liked it. Some people can just sit, watch & listen to that all day and all night I used to frown upon them now I completely understand where they are coming from. Even tho you are watching people get shot at & stabbed and then the Gore scenes afterwards it does help you just tune down.

Hmm little be known at what is going through my sisters mind at the moment, I have no idea.

I know that she needs me to stand strong and stay by her side, Yet not worry about her. I intend to be there for her always without a doubt but to not worry about her is an issue I am going to encounter over and over again.

Dad - Pops - Father - One day you will tell me the truth. I hate questioning my own judgements with the things you sometimes say. I have to give it too you pops, you are definitely a man of mystery.

In the shelter of her arms.

2009-04-29T20:55:00.000-07:00

Some things, Something..

I wish I could go back the things that were said and correct it so it never would have existed. This will never be possible, so finding the strength to walk alone will be difficult.

After some time I realised Life is never how it seems. How of often do you meet The one from your dreams?

Posting blogs is very new to me. The motivation to do so came from this quote -

'Writing is a way to talk without being interrupted'

I know now, I take all the blame for everything that I have done and said. I am good at throwing excuses a reasons around but not good a sleeping with it.

For so long I have wanted to run away, from what I don't know or where to? No Idea. Just the idea of leaving it all behind and the thought of a life that is so much different compared to the way mine is relieves my tension.
Why not run away I asked myself this morning. I dug deeper and deeper and realised I can run but this body this mind is really what I have been trying to escape all this time.
Why is it that the way I portray myself is the opposite of what is inside of me?

I want to make you smile. I want to steal away your problems and call them mine if it meant you could truthfully smile once again I would take it all.

I pushed everyone away and still do when there is a hint that they are probing for what is really inside of me, what my real opinion is. I read about it once its called a defense mechanism.

I don't mind people knowing me or my core emotions but letting the words that describe me fall from my mouth is something that I am fearful of them misinterpreting. Maybe I don't have the words for it.

Even tho I stand strong and motivate those around me, why cant I motivate myself?

Or maybe I am motivated I still come to this place to put it somewhere, Depression is great fun! mind the sarcasm.

But being on anti-depressants is not so hard well life is somewhat livable, I mean this in a way that you can seem fine to everyone.

But when I listen to music it doesn't touch me the way it used to. I am not so tired anymore and peoples wrong doings don't make me angry as much anymore.

Yet walking around feeling as tho you are covered in cotton wool is what I am used to now.

Soon I will go back to my real self as I miss him and the way music touched his soul.

Till then reader.

Mike

Just a few thoughts

2009-04-26T19:47:00.000-07:00

bRRR - Cold Sydney is Unbearable today.

This recent dereliction of my only blog has been the result of my mind being idle therefore lacking motivating of any kind to scribble something that even remotely was worthy of immortalising.

OK, on with the show.

With a happy kick-start to the morning with a black coffee, Toast and thank you to Cenovis Vita's For men I managed to jog down my stairs and into the big bad world and hold my head high for another day.

Gym is getting much better! speaking to one of my body-building-tank friends, I was advised to visit the website for SERIOUS men.. Serious as in "BULKING UP" serious.

http://www.bodybuilding.com/

So after looking at the above I have come to the conclusion that these "Real" men are freakin scary and their eyes tend to glare as if the had concentrated redbull flowing through there veins.

Biceps! could "pop" in a mis-calculated flex.
One look at this picture made me reevaluate the real benefits that coincide with my ambition to build my body.

There are worse things in life in my opinion, you can never really be to carefull in this world.

Anyways, Work is Great - Because it is over soon.. well today.. work will never really be over I will work for the rest of my life..

Strange the way this world works.. Well most of it.

The lastest bothersome events that has left me a little uneasy are;

People all of which I used to admire their sui generis.
Maybe its the weather.. This has changed.. I have seen something I haven't in quite a while. Someone who actually believes, not pretend actually believe they are above there fellow human by far.

This person attempted to advertise this as much as possible. Didn't make me angry, It made me take a moment to ponder. What happens in ones life to thoroughly convince them they are better then the next?? Hmm no answer to that one yet Mister!

I have always seen it, Just never really clicked to it uno..

It doesn't matter that much anyway.. I thought I would Blog this.

Ciao!

La de dah.

2009-04-16T19:17:00.000-07:00

Today, is a sweet sunny day in Sydney. After a weekend full of giving away chocolate to family, Friends and Randoms. I decided to hit the gym once again to work on the arms of mine, My body is out of proportion it sh't's me to tears. My arms a quite small for a tall guy that I am.. Have not lost a fight as yet tho, they are strong-ish just don't look it. Its not what it is all about tho "fighting" its just to look more like a man then I am at the moment. I miss the old me.. Fitness First common Bring IT ON BACK! On your left you would be looking at me three years ago. hmmm What has happened to me?? I am looking for this guy when I go to the gym.

..Dash
..Slash
..Cash
..Mash
..Flash
..Rash

Other then that Mr Rudd has yet to let me go on the shopping spree at Rebel Sport, Shout Maccas, Buy Flowers for the Mum, Buy golf balls for the Old man, Buy the Sister a Case of Grog, and buy the little brother an Xbox Game.. Hmm

Tomorrow I post my Letter to the Devil.. Should Be interesting.

Till Then..

hasta mañana

Well well well.

2009-03-30T20:52:00.000-07:00

Hmm - first post on blogger.. what to say.

I have enjoyed reading a through the net of peoples opinions and advice its about time I started to put my two cents in.

Today another, just like the other. Yet something always happens.. today i spoke with an older woman about me learning to speak Spanish. I like it so far I don't know why I have decided to learn a second language.

A news year reso was to join the gym, quit the smoking and get healthy once again.

From being very fast on foot as in state championship fast to now running one lap of an oval and almost passing out has been somewhat hard to deal with.

It is quite new to me this whole need to get fit thing, My whole family is fit. I am the only smoker.

Soooo I joined the gym two weeks ago, my body aches but I STILL smoke, and still drink much softdrink.

The lines in my stomach and back and arms have resurfaced, after my two week transformation my father joined last night also my brother in-law.

I hope it works out for these guys.

Till next time Reader

Mike